VERSUS! Inaugural Edition: Houston Sport Venue Chili Cheese Dogs!

 

Welcome to Versus!, a new My Houston Life concept where the classy, intelligent, and rather sexy members of the MHL crew take some of the city’s thematically similar places or things and determines the cream of the crop, the best of the best, the ultimate in Houston’s…well, whatever.  Today, MHL Editors Jose Rojas and Tommy Tang bravely scarf down large and dangerously unhealthy amounts of sausage in the name of science, all for the sake of you, our lovely and rather dignified readers!

Tommy Tang holds the position that the Toyota Center hot dogs are the better sporting venue hot dog in Houston. Vehemently. Stubbornly. But I, Jose Rojas, hold to a simple truth: America stands for freedom, Superman stands for justice, and baseball stands for damn good hot dogs. Obviously, Minute Maid Park has the better hot dog. Besides, you can’t grow a good hot dog indoors.

The way this works is, I state the correct opinions while Tommy Tang throws out some weak arguments. We divide up the hot dogs in five categories, and we debate until we decide a winner for each category. Once we’re done with, we tally up the points and Minute Maid Park’s Star Dog a clear winner will be chosen.

Click past the break to see how this battle winds up.

The Bun

JR: “Sturdy” is not a word I typically use to describe food, but Minute Maid’s Star Dog has a bun that sets the foundation for what would otherwise be an overwhelming amount of chili, cheese and awesome. The bun on this hot dog allows the eater to enjoy it at his or her leisure –and what better way to enjoy food at a baseball game then leisurely? Plus, a good hot dog bun should serve as a grip, a way of holding this monstrosity of delicious in an easy, safe-for-your-clothing way. A good bun should keep your sausage in place (yes, we’re still talking about hot dogs).

TT: Granted, the Star Dog has a sturdy bun. And sure, it’ll keep your chili, cheese, and well, awesome, in one place i.e. not on your shirt. I, however, ask, what’s eating a chili cheese dog, without getting a little dirty? In addition, Mr. Rojas has correctly addressed how to eat a hot dog while watching a leisure sport… leisurely. We, however, are consuming our dogs at much more fast, basketball pace.

JR: Look Tang, I don’t know about you, but I don’t make a habit of trying to stuff as many sausages in my mouth as fast as possible. The Star Dog bun manages to maintain structural integrity while the Big Dawg bun is simply too soft to effectively hold together. Also, it soaks in the cheese and chili so fast that it becomes too soggy and begins to rip apart as one reaches for the next bite. Toyota Center’s Big Dawg? More like Big SOG, amirite?!

TT: You’re right Rojas, you like to take in your sausages slowly. But yes, the Toyota Center dog’s bun is a bit soft. Last time I checked, bread is suppose to be soft. Also, I am of the belief, that if your bun has enough time to sit and soak in chili/cheese, your dog has been sitting there too long.

Winner: Minute Maid for its structurally sound, impermeable bun.

The Chili

JR: Thick, hearty, flavorful, and plentiful, Star Dog’s chili is everything you would love from a good chili cheese dog’s chili. It’s the hot dog equivalent of good ol’ fashion cookin’. No surprises, just exactly what you’re craving.

TT: Thick, hearty, flavorful, out-of-a-can. That is what you’re getting for your 6 dollar Minute Maid Park chili cheese dog. If I want chili out of a can on my chili cheese dog, I’d make it myself. Now let’s take a closer look at the Toyota Center chili. Meaty, savory, down-home Texas chili. What are those crumbles of deliciousness in the chili? Is that ground beef? I think it is! If you ask me, give me chili on my dog that can be enjoyed even if not atop at hot dog.

JR: I’m amazed you were able to find the ground beef hidden in the copious amount of grease found in this glorified taco meat. This isn’t chili, this is barely food! How are you suppose to enjoy a chili cheese dog when the so called chili isn’t even chili? Say what you will about Minute Maid’s Star Dog’s chili, but that’s still the sauce that we all know and love. The Big Dawg’s ground beef concoction is foreign and discomforting.

TT: Grease you say. You sir, have mistaken grease for the natural juices that are produced when you use real meat in your chili. What you say is foreign and discomforting, I say, is chili evolution. Come. Join the movement.

Winner: Toyota Center chili for its juicy ground beefiness.

The Cheese

JR: [drools]

TT: Word. Next.

Winner: Minute Maid Park cheese should be an item that can purchased separately for consumption (we’d personally drink it with a straw). Believe it.

The Meat

JR: Imagine biting into a plump, juicy, chili cheese drenched, 100% beef hot dog sausage. That’s exactly what you get from Minute Maid’s Star Dog. Being the quintessential baseball food, Minute Maid Star Dogs are in constant demand, assuring that the hot dog you bite into is relatively fresh for a stadium hot dog.

TT: True, the Star Dog is a tasty, 100% beef hot dog sausage. The Big Dawg, while also being a 100% beef sausage, has a greater sausage to bun ratio. And honestly folks, a hot dog’s meat to bun ratio is paramount in the overall quality of the hot dog. Yours may be tastier, but we got more of it!

JR: A little more crap is still crap. Sure, the Toyota Center weiner, to be frank, is a bland, flavorless means to an end. A hot dog only by name, but without any of the soul. Face it. The Minute Maid Park meat ensures that every bite of a Star Dog is erupts in your mouth and brings the party to your taste buds.  When the Star Dog is up to bat, you can always count on a home run (sorry).

TT: Wow, a bad pun and TWO over-used cliches. And bland?! The Big Dawg sausage is NOT bland. Less flavorful than that of Minute Maid’s Star Dog perhaps, but bland? No way. And let me ask you all this simple question. Aren’t you tired of having that left-over piece of bun, where some sausage should still be? I know I am. In this weiner debate, size does matter.

Winner: Minute Maid’s meat for its superior taste. We’re taking quality over quantity here.

Appearance

JR: A bun as inviting as a cloud. Cheese with the golden glow of a treasure chest. Chili that smothers the Star Dog with its warm embrace. A sausage that glistens underneath a cascade of toppings. If hot dogs were paintings, The Mona Lisa would be delicious.

TT: Um, what in God’s name are you talking about? Are we still talking about hot dogs?

JR: … I’m not sure…

TT: What magical land of fantasy did you stumble upon while wandering the concourses of Minute Maid Park? Just scroll up to theVersus! graphic and take a look at the Toyota Center Big Dawg. ‘Nuff said.

Winner: Toyota Center partly because it’s true, but mostly because Jose has lost his mind.

And The Winner Is…

Minute Maid Park’s Star Dog, 3 to 2.

While Toyota Center’s Big Dawg has a unique style of chili and is overall more aesthetically pleasing, it simply does not size up to Minute Maid Park’s tried-and-true classic. In a valiant effort to put quantity over quality, the Big Dawg falls short on the very ingredients that make a good chili cheese dog what it should be.

And that Minute Maid Park cheese…mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…

Agree? Disagree? Don’t Care? Let us know! Be sure to leave us a comment telling us who’s hot dog you stand by, and let all of Houston know where the realest hot dog experience is. Take our poll, and together we can solve this debate once and for all. Special thanks to Levy Restaurants and Aramark for providing us with countless hours (and calories!) of enjoyable sport venue concessions. We’ll keep on eating them, as long as you keep on making them. We’re a little bit hungry now, in fact…

Just, maybe keep them a bit affordable, please?